Sunday, December 30, 2012
Lighter Fighter
It has been 7 days since I started my diet. I am down to 190.7 from my starting weight of 196.4. I still need to lose the 0.7 to reach my goal of being into the 180's by New Years. This is definitely doable and I am confident that I will wake up tomorrow having reached my goal. My second goal, from New Years to the end of January is to lose 20lbs. I know that may be a bit much, so realistically, I'd be okay with losing 15lbs. If I lose the 20 it would put me back into the 160's which would be awesome. Considering I am still allowing myself one meal a day and I'm not working out, and I am still getting these results, I think it is great and makes it more manageable.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
The Beginning
Introduction of Sorts
It seems as if an introduction would be a good place to start this blog. I'm a 30 year old female living in Southern California. I am a graduate student, a school counseling intern, a substitute teacher, a daughter, and a dreamer. My main goal of this blog is self-reflection but also to let the world know that it ain't all rainbows and butterflies. I'm honest--to a fault, and I will be so in my blog, because it is, after all, mine. As time goes on I am sure my blog will become more refined, but one day I hope to turn it into a book.
Let's Start With a Little Bit of L-O-V-E
I am dating someone. We are quite new romantically but we go a ways back. We went to high school together. I have my own series of relationships I have been in. I'm divorced and I don't regret leaving him but I do miss being married. Now, at this stage of life, I want someone I can say anything to, do anything with, and who is my best friend. I also want marriage and kids, mainly kids, but I'd never rush something like that. Like any other relationship, this one has its moments where I want to tear my hair out. For instance, we are on the down low. Only a few of my close friends know about us and he wants it to stay that way. I'd even imagine he wished no one knew but I'm female and we are born with the defect that we love to gossip. What I would love for this relationship is 1. to become open meaning I can post that shit on Facebook if I want to, 2. his work slows down enough to where I see him more than a few times a month, 3. and then we start to get serious. I want stability and I need to get him to bring his walls down but they seem to be made of concrete. I have my chisel and I am making progress but by the time it comes down I am worried it will be too late. I want to give ourselves the opportunity to fall in love. We will see what happens.
Life is a 4-Letter Word
When I started grad school I moved back home shortly after. I was in a horrible relationship that I was only staying in for the dog, and just couldn't do it anymore. The problem is, my house is like WW3. My parents hate each other and my father hates us both. It's a lovely little mix we have going on. About as lovely as a kick in head by a steel toe boot, but...it is a roof over my head and thankfully, I am almost done with school. My goal is to get back out as soon as possible. At first I was so enraptured with school and so glad to be out of that relationship that I could deal, but nearly two years later I am ready to be back out on my own and for good. I'd love a little one bedroom and the opportunity to live all by myself. My own room, my own kitchen, my own living room, etc.
School
As of today, I have 165 days left of grad school, including breaks. I will be finished on June 14, 2013 but I am hoping I can complete all of my hours for internship and actually be done a bit before then. I take the exam for my National Counselor Certification on April 20th. I am going into phase 2/3 of my fieldwork stuff and it's a lot more than I thought it would be. I am trading supervisors so I hope things get better. I am going to just go back and keep my head down and get it done as fast as possible. It's just a means to an end at this point.
It seems as if an introduction would be a good place to start this blog. I'm a 30 year old female living in Southern California. I am a graduate student, a school counseling intern, a substitute teacher, a daughter, and a dreamer. My main goal of this blog is self-reflection but also to let the world know that it ain't all rainbows and butterflies. I'm honest--to a fault, and I will be so in my blog, because it is, after all, mine. As time goes on I am sure my blog will become more refined, but one day I hope to turn it into a book.
Let's Start With a Little Bit of L-O-V-E
I am dating someone. We are quite new romantically but we go a ways back. We went to high school together. I have my own series of relationships I have been in. I'm divorced and I don't regret leaving him but I do miss being married. Now, at this stage of life, I want someone I can say anything to, do anything with, and who is my best friend. I also want marriage and kids, mainly kids, but I'd never rush something like that. Like any other relationship, this one has its moments where I want to tear my hair out. For instance, we are on the down low. Only a few of my close friends know about us and he wants it to stay that way. I'd even imagine he wished no one knew but I'm female and we are born with the defect that we love to gossip. What I would love for this relationship is 1. to become open meaning I can post that shit on Facebook if I want to, 2. his work slows down enough to where I see him more than a few times a month, 3. and then we start to get serious. I want stability and I need to get him to bring his walls down but they seem to be made of concrete. I have my chisel and I am making progress but by the time it comes down I am worried it will be too late. I want to give ourselves the opportunity to fall in love. We will see what happens.
Life is a 4-Letter Word
When I started grad school I moved back home shortly after. I was in a horrible relationship that I was only staying in for the dog, and just couldn't do it anymore. The problem is, my house is like WW3. My parents hate each other and my father hates us both. It's a lovely little mix we have going on. About as lovely as a kick in head by a steel toe boot, but...it is a roof over my head and thankfully, I am almost done with school. My goal is to get back out as soon as possible. At first I was so enraptured with school and so glad to be out of that relationship that I could deal, but nearly two years later I am ready to be back out on my own and for good. I'd love a little one bedroom and the opportunity to live all by myself. My own room, my own kitchen, my own living room, etc.
School
As of today, I have 165 days left of grad school, including breaks. I will be finished on June 14, 2013 but I am hoping I can complete all of my hours for internship and actually be done a bit before then. I take the exam for my National Counselor Certification on April 20th. I am going into phase 2/3 of my fieldwork stuff and it's a lot more than I thought it would be. I am trading supervisors so I hope things get better. I am going to just go back and keep my head down and get it done as fast as possible. It's just a means to an end at this point.
Worth the Weight
I started my diet early. I am starting at 196.4 and on the start of day four I am 193. 8. This is the heaviest I have ever been and I feel disgusting. I am starting before the first to prove to myself that I have my own motivation and not just borrowing everyone else's for New Years. By the time we hit New Year's and everyone begins their weight loss resolutions I will be down at least 5lbs (I am already down 2.6lbs) and will be ahead of everyone else. I will get more motivation once everyone is on the bandwagon with me but at least I will have started on my own. To me, that means something. I just wish the weight would come off faster but I know I didn't put it on in a day, and it will take a while to come off. I have lost 20lbs in a month before when I was lighter, but I was walking everyone morning. If I can lose 20lbs by the end of January, I will be happy with that first goal. That would put me back into the 170's which is still high for me but feels more manageable. I can do this. I just have to put my mind to it. The more into the diet I get, the easier it will get because my stomach will shrink. This first week I am allowing myself one meal a day of my choice and trying to be good the rest of the day. I think that is a good starting place. Hopefully the smaller I get the more confident I will get because right now I have nothing but self-hate.
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