Worth the Weight

I started my diet early. I am starting at 196.4 and on the start of day four I am 193. 8. This is the heaviest I have ever been and I feel disgusting. I am starting before the first to prove to myself that I have my own motivation and not just borrowing everyone else's for New Years. By the time we hit New Year's and everyone begins their weight loss resolutions I will be down at least 5lbs (I am already down 2.6lbs) and will be ahead of everyone else. I will get more motivation once everyone is on the bandwagon with me but at least I will have started on my own. To me, that means something. I just wish the weight would come off faster but I know I didn't put it on in a day, and it will take a while to come off. I have lost 20lbs in a month before when I was lighter, but I was walking everyone morning. If I can lose 20lbs by the end of January, I will be happy with that first goal. That would put me back into the 170's which is still high for me but feels more manageable. I can do this. I just have to put my mind to it. The more into the diet I get, the easier it will get because my stomach will shrink. This first week I am allowing myself one meal a day of my choice and trying to be good the rest of the day. I think that is a good starting place. Hopefully the smaller I get the more confident I will get because right now I have nothing but self-hate.